Church Heathen In Our House!

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

There’s nothing as sweet as having a girl-buddy called Dee Dee who is also a Malaya (as in, that is how Malaysia used to be called). Please do some Google research.

So today, let us dedicate this post to Dee Dee and friends. I have less than 4 minutes to rush through this, and you know that you’ve always come first in my mind. So I won’t fail to write yet again.

You see, Prostate cancer is cancer that manifest itself in the prostate glands of a man! Dee Dee does not understand this simple fact, or maybe she chooses to think otherwise.

She thought I was replacing the word prostitute with prostate, I think!

Maybe they are somehow connected. You see, semen comes from prostate glands. Then it is deposited into a Virgina. The Virgina it is deposited in does not matter who it belongs to. So let us not care whether it belongs to a whore or another woman in another career!

Okay, now the story am about to tell you is something that happened this morning.

This Baba wakes up for the usual family devotion in the morning, at 5.00am.

Usually, it’s easy to tell who is going downstairs by the sound of the footsteps!!

You see, it’s almost a sequence of big footsteps, followed by medium and finally small (according to my intelligence).

So it is Baba first……….then followed by Mama……..and then finally, Mamina.

Until the above sequence takes place, me and my brother cannot come downstairs. So you should deduce that in this house, there’s a special routine in which footsteps follow, but at the end of the day, we are all supposed to meet downstairs. It’s been that way for like 8 months now!

However, today, Baba went downstairs……followed closely by Mama and Mamina at the same time!! Then there were additional steps….. going downstairs as well!!

Mini skirts and Nairobi prostitutesI think there was an extra person in this house that I hadn’t been briefed about.

I think we had a visitor the previous night too…. I have been known to love looking into their faces at the crack of the wee hours of the morning, when they prepare for devotion!

Their faces almost send me into a loud mocking laughter, as they all look funny.

So I am the last person to come downstairs, and into the living room….. I am very curious because I want to see the person who was responsible for the extra footsteps I had previously heard.

I discover that it’s my sister’s friend!


This thing is pretty, yet in a light t-shirt and a mini skirt for a PJ.

Looking at her hair, it’s held tightly in a backward fashion, as if she’s been preparing for similar morning devotions in a long time.

She sits with her legs crossed, then she let them loose, wide open, in front of Baba, and Mama, and Mamina and all the rest!! Something is terribly wrong with this scene of devotion!

Her right brown thigh is cast out in full view…… I now understand why Jesus said there were temptations everywhere, and that you should not throw a stone at a whore!

So even though am awake, there’s no difference between me and a young man who is fast asleep while standing.

Is a man’s brain supposed to work backwards? If that’s so, then our success also depends on our brains working backwards, heheheeeee….. I don’t even know what that statement means! I am just writing it for the sake of it, or maybe I badly wanted to use the words ”brain and success”.

Moving on……

But while concentrating on the glamour of this sort of a morning devotion, I forgot that it was now my turn to pray.

So Mama called out………. ”Roof, can you pray for us?” (Roof is my name at home anyway).

For the first few seconds, I had absolutely nothing to pray about, no words, no ideas!

You see, I had to press F1, then ”configuration” and then ”reboot system” to resume a system that was now deeply in gutter!

My brain had been somehow corrupted by the mini skirt and how another human being was seated in front of Baba and Mama.

Okay, it was something close to this……….Dear God, this Thigh, that thigh……..bless that thigh and the man who…….. blah blah……the thigh!

Okay, Bye!

P.S: If you are a woman and you’re going to bring a chic or a quail home, let your brother know early

P.S.S: If you read this post, know that it didn’t have even a single spelling mistake


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