How To Romance A Man Slow and Smooth!

HOW TO ROMANCE A MANI was asked why I keep chasing women away from my posts. Such statements have always hurt me so deeply… to the point of wanting to shade tears.

My love for women is humongous, yet tender. No wonder I try to discover any possible flaws, all the weak points, the danger zones…. well, I can’t find any because am blinded! My eye-sight is gone forever!

So, here’s the final bit of what I want to say concerning the topic of how to romance a man.

When am in love with women, we talk French and Spanish and Turkish and Arabic.. and everything else. The public admire us everywhere, so they strew our path with red roses – that’s a cred!

Let me fast-forward the poem bit of it


I want you to know that am broke as I write this…. but am not asking money from anyone. I only need you to master this fact as you’ll need to remember it throughout the story.

So……… Sheila* works in Upper Hill but lives somewhere along Mombasa road – please hold this statement irrelevant until later on in this post. I know you must be wondering how this is related to the title of this post, but just hold on. You’ll see it as it is, I hope so.

It’s Sunday morning, and Sheila* has got me talking to her for about a week, I think.

We met on Facebook, and my guts tell me I know her very very well. I could comfortably pick her from a group of naked women while blindfolded! Hehehe… You know how blind dates go? I will tell you how Sheila can romance a man, and also how she romanced me wittingly!

Apart from knowing that she is light skin, with long lustrous hair and seductive eyes – as seen on Facebook, I am also aware of the fact that she uses some product by Dencia. She is not bleaching, because last time I checked on Google, Dencia manufactured other skincare products, and not just bleaching creams and oils! Please note!

How To Romance a Man: Get This Right from What Sheila* Did

I am now giving you the story…..

I know I should be going to church… but what am doing is, I am walking from one end of the room to the other in my boxers, and naked! I am looking for my church trouser… the favourite black trouser.

A phone call comes in… but I can’t pick it until my ears catch the favourite part of the song, which by the way, is 10 seconds into the song.

This is Sheila*, and she’s asking if we could meet up for a cake!

Hehehe… the romance has already begun, and am feeling it. But the style in which Sheila is approaching is rather devastating!

Ladies and gentlemen….. my ears have heard of sex, food, coffee, money, movies, blankets & wines etc. But never a CAKE on a Sunday morning. Or may be she was using a Metaphor or something!

”Are we having a cake?” There goes the softest voice on planet earth.

”Sure, at what time please?” I ask. ”In an hours time is best!” she replied.

Now listen

My big brother is in the bedroom. He has already finished showering, and he is dressing up too. His dressing takes an hour usually.

I don’t have any money with me, so am doing mad calculation in my head… I am thinking of Pythagoras and logarithms and addition and subtraction. If you don’t understand this language, I suggest you stop reading on how to seduce, or better still – romance a man.

Moving Forward…

I finally zero down to an exact figure. 300/= is a cake, I have 1000/=, and my brother can give me another 1000/= to make it 2k. Now 2K is equal to – am ready for Sheila*! Can’t you see I have already formed a rhythm over there?

If you’ve been on a blind date, you probably know how they can be really blind dates. So I show up 30 minutes early.

Because am here early…. at some restaurant along Tom Mboya, I will have a chance of going through the cake list on the menu. I know my budget is fair and round, not unless this mysterious woman will feed on 1kg of cake. I mastered the whole menu writings in record 10 minutes flat!

The Romance Begins

Some two girls are walking towards the direction of my table. One is wearing yellow polka dress while the other is wearing a pink dress. One is extremely pretty while the other one is not so pretty – i would say UGLY.

At this point, I whisper a short prayer in my breath, hoping that it turns out to be the most beautiful of the two. My prayer was answered at the exact time I needed God most. It also turned out that the two girls who seemingly walked close to each other did so, not because they knew each other, but because the narrow entrance had forced them to walk that way.

Sheila* smiles perfectly, smells good, like sugar and golden chapati! That’s romance there!

She is wearing a teal sundress that is hanging dangerously just above her knee line. In her armpit, I can see a brown clutch, and something that looks like a handkerchief. Her hair is curled and relaxed behind her shoulders.

Her arms are bare naked…. only kissing the air with the kind of magic I describe as AMAZING! She is even holding a bundle of keys…. BMW X5 keys….if am not wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, I am almost achieving my climax….. in a restaurant, not inside a lodging!

Time for small talk

”I suggest you try this cake,” she says with her usual soft voice. She orders something that I didn’t spot on the menu… I blame the rash! Okay, she signals a male waiter, who comes to our service shortly. What she is ordering costs Ksh3000 instead of Ksh300! Jesus……this woman is looting my pocket in broad daylight!

My back pocket is now growing extremely uncomfortable. I have 2000 bob on me. My brother managed to lend me an extra 1k to make it 2.

”Are you fine?” She asks in sympathy. I come back to my senses as her hand slides through mine on top of the table…. another romance incident there!

The Bill is Ksh2,500: It’s killing the romance when I only have 2000 bob in my pocket, minus fair back home

We were through with the session, so I began scratching my head, figuring out how to settle the extra 500 bob. I jokingly suggests to withdraw the extra 500 bob on an M-pesa shop, which was a short distance from where we were seated.

She says…” NO! I got this one…… I thousand bob to add.” I insist that I will settle the whole bill myself, knowing very well that am digging my own grave. I have to protect my ego anyway!

”What are you doing this afternoon?” She asks.

”I’ll go home, and may be catch a movie.” I fumble again!

”Why don’t you come over to mines, we could watch that movie..” That statement echoed like a dream, something I have been praying for in my entire life. And, well……..



In short, this lady started romancing me from the point she got into the restaurant, all the way in her car and into her house. That was the ultimate romance experience of my life. It wasn’t assertive, but it came in a way that I least expected!