Underwear Records

Now listen….

I appeared on TV because I had made news. I want you to relax and see it as it is going!

First, when this happened, I was very excited because it was a golden chance I would never get in my lifetime. Secondly, I was wearing this underwear that I will tell you about. And third, if you didn’t catch up with last night’s news, you just have to seat and listen to my story.

It was a simple interview, though I didn’t expect the host to ask me about BOGOF, some event I have been organizing with my two friends. It’s soon going to debut on KTN, I think.

So I wore my best pair of shoes I bought when I was LEAVING IN LONDON……. hehehe… I like using the word ”London”. It makes me happy, and now I am.

Moving on!!

On this day, I also wore my lucky boxers. This pair of boxers is 7 solid years old!! In fact, they look newer than most pairs I own…. I only wear them on special occasions, you know?

Nairobi comedyNow, the very first time I wore them…. I was scheduled for an interview at EABL… Guess what? I GOT THE JOB.

The second time, I was going to quit this job…. Guess what? IT WENT GREAT.

The 3rd time, I was attempting my fate to ask Adhiambo C out… Guess what? She accepted my offer!

The 4th time, I borrowed my uncle’s car, then rammed it to the extent of one of the doors falling off.

(Be advised that I am still wearing this underwear… and driving a car without one door… As in, it had fallen off the tarmac).

This time, guess what? My uncle congratulated me for rushing my cousin to hospital upon incurring an injury (We were riding inside the same car anyway).

Now, this one last time, it marked the turning point of my life, when I hit a pedestrian on Mombasa road with the said car. He survived!

So, In this TV interview, I want to believe that it also went well. Do you know why?

…………………………

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The camera chic was kite fly! I mean she was yellow yellow, rounded, fat and padded!!

These boxers are bright yellow in colour…. with scooby doo’s face right under my Ass hole.

And by the way, I am very serious, stop looking at me with so much awe! I need to breath now.

Moving on!

Now this time, I believe I was not so lucky. My mother warned me against going to town. I sneaked and off, I went to town. In the middle of CBD, Kanjo was engaging hawkers in running battles, left, right and center. I think GSU were also among them, because I saw tear gas canisters and rubber bullets flying…. Hehe, I am lying, you can’t possibly see a bullet move throw thin air!

I was now running too, though my 6th sense was telling me to take it slow because I am no hawker, neither am I a Kanjo, GSU and what’s not!

So my brain was drifting into over-drive mode. I crossed the street with lightening speed to catch the last matatu (during such moments, you hop into the next matatu you find on the street, regardless of its destination.

Cutting long story short…

Something hit me with a thud from behind. It hurt so much, I almost fell to the ground. I figured it was a tear gas canister. The force was an equivalent of a sack of potato, molded into a small tin…. I mean the thing was small but forceful. It made me run across Ronald Ngala street, screaming like a mad woman.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is why I made the 7 o’clock headlines on TV… barely hours after I had lied to my mother that I was sleeping at home.

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