Please…, will you wipe out that ugly look on your face! Why do you look at me with such awe!!!… when I mention the words ‘Sugar’ and ‘mummy’?
You stared at me like someone who had just swallowed a kid’s piggy bank!!
How are you luv… i sent letters to you… And I think, sometimes last month, you sent them back to me with red markings. You made me believe my grammar was poor, and that you didn’t know the sender!!
My luv, what’s going on!!!
Okay, fine, asking for a divorce at this time was something understandable. You know my business errands….. BUT TELLING ME STRAIGHT ON THE FACE THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ME IS PLAIN RUDENESS…am even afraid of you getting this one… that i shall always send letters by!
As it is, the title of this post doesn’t allow me to divert otherwise, so i shall jump into my story… i need your attention little kid!!
I was out on Friday… like every other Friday of my life. Been at Batis club, to be exact, and the crowd here was a tad fertile. I use the word ‘fertile’ to describe a scenario where there’s at least one approachable woman every quarter degree turn of my head’s rotation!!
Did you get the last bit of my sentence?? Then again, i really don’t care!!
Instead, i want you to start viewing things as they are. I want you to see what is going on as it is going on. Be in my shoes… i hope you will fit in number 12!! I also hope that you understand English well…
”Ero koro, achung’e club, but DJ to amadho kong’o. Mon yiengo piere gi ma, left right and center…”
Please… i shouldn’t be tribal, so get a Luo friend do some interpretation for you… or i will explain!
Now am in the club, standing near the DJ, sipping some beer……. huh?? This post is not coming up the way it should. I feel things are getting boring.
Okay, let’s cut the lengthy conversation. A woman is about to get me a unicorn!!
She is intelligent.. you can tell by the look on her eyes. But she’s not pretty either. A few lines of wrinkles sit under her eyes… they are evident but not sagging.
I check her fingers… quite wrinkled though. She is also wearing a ring…a ring that looks like it’s been sitting on her finger since i was born. She is dressed in cream fine linen dress, with expensive red heels. And the hem of her dress is slightly seated above her knees…. you can catch a glimpse of her thighs…!
Round her neckline sits a heavy necklace made of beads. They are rough, like ivory. Her earring is also made of same material….and finally her wrist watch… the price of a bar of gold!! I didn’t say chocolate….ASANTE MUNGU!!
Now i want you to pay attention where this is going..
I am now sited somewhere in the bar, still sipping beer. Slowly she walks towards me amid the vigorous dancing and shaking. The crowd is quite agitated, and no one seems to notice her motive. This scenario can be compared to that of an exorcism Naija movie, where an over-possessed soul is quite evident amidst the church congregation. Still sipping my beer mos mos…
I realize that she’s so close enough to me… her long dreadlocks almost touch my chest hairs. I am amused by her confidence!
”Cute kid… i want you!” her voice penetrates the loud music as she turns away, heading back to where she was seated. In fact, the message was so clear… i didn’t doubt a thing!!
So i relaxed, and continued sipping beer with no tension!
I don’t know what attracted the attention of the crowd though. At some point, everyone was staring at me. I felt like i was naked in the middle of a crowd.
I moved with speed to seek refuge at a safe location, adjacent to the toilet.
”Boy!!… i can give you anything you desire…anything!” there goes a whisper.. a second time, same as the first voice! The storyline now thickens! Woman is willing to get me a unicorn! You know a unicorn?? It’s a very rare bird…
This time, i meet her wink, then she kindly walks away!
Being the good kid that I have always been, i freak away, so i continue to drift far from the center of the clubbing hall. I am positioned near the washroom/toilet. ….I know what you’re thinking dirty mind…
The I saw her cream linen dress, gliding like a pelican towards me! Thing is….she had something….the very thing that keeps you frightened to the extend of wetting your pants unconsciously…
Her third approach was terribly frightening!
”I want you…tonight!” her whispers mattered. This time, i was pinned against the wall by her own body. She looked me straight on the face… her breath smelling of fresh mint… and I was scared she might attempt kissing me…in the end, affecting me with ebola!!
Time to leave Batis!
As it was, i managed to walk out of the club. I was waiting for my boys outside the premises… it was some minutes to 3am. Guess what….. i saw the same woman who wanted me for the night!
This woman, for the very first time, was carrying a handbag, so I figured that she was leaving!
She doesn’t give up to stubborn young boys…so she walks towards me without saying a word. She is holding a business card…. at least it looked so!
She wanted to slip it inside one of my breast pockets….my shirts don’t have such pockets by the way!!
So after a few trial and error…she changes tact. She slips the card inside by back pocket instead, squeezing my ass in the process!!
Hehe….despite not holding any conversations with her, i now know her name and where she works!!
P.S Let me refrain from mentioning any names here, but if you know very well that your mother or grandmother has a silver BMW X6, Number plate KXX YY6A, just know very well that she is willing to give me whatever I want….a Unicorn!!
(I am a home-breaker…hehe)