Big Ass Girl At Nakumatt Lifestyle And My Trip From Canada

My Lovely Woman,

Mother is always mean to me when she finds out that am writing letters to you. I love writing at night, just before i retire to bed…  Then i go through my work before posting in the morning… The problem is, she says am wasting her electricity… my computer runs on her electricity bills anyway.


Please do not go anywhere, i have something very urgent i want to tell you!!

Did you see the two dashes?? Okay, it’s nothing really serious…..hehe, asante Mungu!!

Moving on!

For about 20 minutes, i have been staring at the blinking cursor, wondering what else to write about.

These days, fate loves to get hold of me. My days slip away in intense drama…At some point, a mob almost lynched me in the middle of kenyatta Avenue…

At another point, i lost money when a boda boda rider escaped with my balance of 500/=… At another point, i was fleeing from Kanjo... the reason being… i bought a new car, then i parked it wrongly.


Now, the statement of me buying a new car plays nice on my tongue….you know this and that one of …..”when i was in the U.S”.

This is my first line of defense every time someone asks me where i have been… I smack it on their face… i try so hard to make it sound fresh as possible, so they think i just came from the airport yesterday.

Just the other day, i randomly bumped into some woman i used to know 2 years ago. She’s Patricia*. She’s buying cigarettes.. and am buying chewing gum. I also remember how there was mad traffic at 7pm…..i was even tired of balancing my car’s pedals…

woman 4”Hi Patricia*”, there i go…. of course am bewildered by the fact that the ass she’s wielding has grown quite big, she used to have very flat behinds 2 years ago…. i don’t know which bum enhancer she’s using, but she’s looking good enough!

And…  her mammary glands were not like the last time i saw her……well, they had gained a new look, freshness and luster!!

”Ken?”…. she responds while skillfully putting off the smoking thing and throwing it away… it’s like she didn’t want me to know she had turned into a professional smoker.

”Yeah!” i answer.

Notice that am in my best shirt and shoes…. so my game is always on top of hers!!

”Congratulations!” i continue! I hear my dad using that word so many times…. so it naturally comes into my head whenever i meet someone, i don’t know why.

Patricia* makes a pass at me…. you are still funny boy!!..

I laugh… i really don’t have anything to say to this woman!

She wakes up the big MONSTER question… ”So where have you been….what have you been up to??”

The good thing is that i always plan in advance how to respond to such questions, long before meeting people who are likely to ask them.

So i go… ”been in Canada, just came back last week!! And you?” Notice how confident i am. I answer as if i have been there since 1995.

”Woow!! what do you do in Canada?” she asks!

She’s asking the right question at the right time… and trust me… my dressing is telling it all… Hehehe..

”Am an editor, working for an international magazine!”… i respond. I can see the awe clearly written on her face. She thinks am making really good money by writing for the white guy.

We’re now making our way out of Nakumatt lifestyle…

”Where are you headed?” she asks with a sense of urgency. I say… ”home!!” But i have to show her where my car is parked… you know the little sweet airs of a stupid Jaluo boy!!

She lives somewhere in Eastlands… so i can drop her home. I must also play these two tracks.. ”am not sober and Kanungo”. These are my two favourite tracks i love playing when driving… hehe..

The road is now clear, there’s no traffic jam at all. I can drive at 130KM/hr, and according to my estimate, this is going to take us 10 minutes only.


I dropped her somewhere in Donholm… then we parted ways. I left this woman with a bunch of very skewed information. She doesn’t know what to make of me.

It feels good, so i drive off and the sexy notes of my car’s exhaust announce my disappearance into the thin dark!!