It’s a little bit hard for you to believe me when i say i love you, yet i don’t write to you as frequent as i should…. But i want to assure you that there’s only one woman residing at the foot of my arteries, and that’s you.
Now, this is a short letter i was addressing to Medina, not you. It’s been quite a long time since i sent a letter by. Her phone went off in the middle of our conversation last Friday, i have never heard from her until today.
This is rather going to be short though! I left town at 8.00pm on Friday. This is quite an unusual hour for me to be 3kms away from my bed, don’t you think! I was at TRM some minutes before 9:00pm, i must have driven so fast this time. There was no destruction on the road because most guys who drive are at home by this time.
My move to turn towards TRM was completely unplanned for, but i felt it was really necessary. Inside my rear view mirror, i could see someone following me! I guess i was right because anyone who stays behind me for more than 3 minutes is definitely tracking me.
And i am not here to ogle at the pretty women in short dresses who do promotions during this time of the day, or night. It’s been quite a while since i did that at a shopping mall.
People leave this place so early these days, especially when they are broke at this time of the month. The place is almost dead, but a i can see a few men and women on the ground flow. So i have to rush to the supermarket just before they close…..i here they close at 9:30.
A white old guy walking with two skinnies. One of them is slightly dark while the other one is lighter. The white man doesn’t look sober. The two skinny women drag him out of the mall…..they are both staggering out of the building.
I think he’s American because the way he talks……..”Fuck them, fuck all of them. I am so rich, i can even buy the whole of this place,” he kept saying.
This white old man is also cheeky, i can see him grabbing one of the skinny girl’s ass occasionally, then the chic whose buttocks have been squeezed would giggle like a piglet. ”Now what?…………Yeah, not now”, the other skinny chic would second. They are all in heels and shinny trousers, as if they are coming from a night club.
I think he had accompanied them to the TRM cosmetic shop to buy them synthetic hair… i also think i saw the watchman kicking their ass one last time as he locked the glass door of the premises. These women had thick, black and bushy synthetic hair planted on their heads. They call them weave!
Anyway, this isn’t my story! I quickly pick a few things; say milk, bread, tissue paper and harpic. I have two chics with really big buttocks in my house…..the size of my grandmother’s water pot, they roll tissue paper so first……….you know?
”Did i hand over my fucking ticket to you?” The white man rattles at one of the skinny women? Meanwhile, i also check mine inside my pocket. I insert it and the thing demands 50 shillings from me.
The problem is that i only have 30 shillings in my pockets, nothing else. So i whisper a short prayer before emptying the contents of my wallet. The state of this leather pouch is deafening. Being able to occasionally put 5 or 10 shilling coins inside and not being able to find them the moment i want them is a turn off. It’s like a mobile phone is ringing inside a woman’s handbag and you’re asked to find it…..chances are that you’ll need to topple it over to empty the contents before locating the thing.
Now this is a very ugly scene i want to explain!
You see, a female guard with big ass like those of Linda the policewoman spots me struggling to find money in my wallet. The white man is also going through each one of his pockets looking for the ”fucking missing ticket”. His skinnies are looking at him with sympathy. Another Asian man with his wife is behind me waiting for the queue to clear up.
Now the worst thing happens……..A condom falls off my wallet! I have no clue where the thing came from. But you see, it’s not a bad idea to have a condom fall off your wallet……after all, this is a sign that am protecting myself. However, catastrophe sweeps in when the condom is defaced, looking like Methusela infected with Ebola fever!
I absolutely have no idea how this thing entered my wallet instead of money entering it…….i also have no clue where it was inside here……..and i don’t know what it wanted to achieve by falling off my wallet at this moment. This is the worst experience in my life…..it freaks me out!
Now in my harried attempt to save the situation, i accidentally kick it, and the thing slides along the tile surface, only to stop at the foot of this big ass female guard! She smiles at me naughtily, so i rush to pick it up in embarrassment! My hand also feels greasy….i think the thing was broken, at what point? I don’t have a clue!
My farts have been loud lately…..i think they must have contributed to breaking of this condom, by any chance it has stayed in my wallet for so long.
Up to now, i have not paid 50 shillings. The female guard is too kind, he feeds the machine with the money it wants, then turns to me and smiles suggestively. If it were not for duty, i would have ”chips-funga” her this night, i think!
She swings her buttocks as she walks away from me! What am i supposed to do…….my Johnson is actively searching for her network!