How Pastor Wakanai Said I Have 7 Demons Straight From Hell

Dear Medina,

Pastor Wakanai, the man of God you introduced me to before we broke up, is making me poorer by the day. I am not going back to his church again. He says the more i give, the more i shall receive.

Last Sunday, i had 200 bob in my pocket. He preached a very powerful summon on giving and tithing, so my only 200 bob ended up in his offering basket. I was left with nothing.

I am also tired of Pastor Wakanai’s old tricks of sending everyone else, including me, to the dirty flow surface while shouting on the mic………”RECEIVE THE HOLY GHOST!!” The cost of OMO and other washing powder have gone up these days, i know not how to remove stains on my white shirt!


Now, Pastor Wakanai lives in Dandora, but he comes all the way to Jogoo road where his church is located. There are rumors that he was once caught in a married woman’s house when the husband was away on a business trip……….to some Ebola-ridden west African country, say Nigeria or Liberia…..i am not quite sure.

Medina introduced me to him a while back, when he prayed for her uncle to get a job at City hall. My uncle has been busy arresting Nairobi prostitutes lately. Pastor Wakanai also performs a few miracles when he has guests in his church.

I am not a theologian by any means, but i have observed a few telltale signs that Wakanai is not very genuine with me. The bible says…….freely give, freely you have received! But Pastor Wakanai now has 4 offering sessions for one service!

This day, he engaged the crowd in some kind of religious fanaticism. He said he was seeing someone going to get a job in the coming months. He also prophesied that someone was going to get a headache between now and next year…..all these things he prophesied.

Then there was a very powerful worship session. Pastor Wakanai began waving his handkerchief in the air, while blowing the microphone furiously. I had him say ”Receive the Holy Spirit”, and people begun falling down in a special pattern, one after the other.

Am a strong kid……., i don’t fall unnecessarily. Pastor Wakanai notices that i have never fell down in his church, so he walks towards me and tries pushing me with his hand but i resist. He begins slapping me, telling the whole congregation that i have 7 demons in me, and that i need to be exorcist.

”Kuja hapa brother”, he speaks in heavy Kikuyu accent. By now, i have received several slaps…..i have even lost count. I cannot run away because the ushers have securely locked the door…..Wakanai says when the ”Holy Spirit” is doing his job, doors and windows must stay shut!

I hear he ”fellowships” with women whose husbands are away using this concept to gain entry into their bedroom….it’s safe to ”fellowship” in the bedroom, you know!

Once inside the bedroom, Wakanai recites prayers….to the extent of speaking in strange languages. One hand must stay on the woman’s head, while the other one is busy working its way down his trouser’s zipper.

Anyway, back to my story……

Holy cow!! I look like i have just come from fighting with Yokozuna or Undertaker. My ”Dirt Is Good” supply is also dwindling, and this is the worst time of the month.

I vow not to come to this church again. My sweet love, Medina, also stopped coming to this church long time ago. I can’t resistant Pastor Wakanai asking me about my Ex every Sunday…….i mean, he has her number, why doesn’t he call her anyway?

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